Olivia is what my OCD looks like when I imagine it as a character. She is completely white apart from her large blue eyes. They’re big to help her see danger coming and I chose blue eyes because mine are blue too. Olivia has very long eyelashes so she can hide behind them when she becomes overwhelmed.

 

Olivia has large ears to help her hear danger from far away. They’re a little bit scruffy because when she gets frazzled and stressed, the fur sticks out. She sometimes ties her ears up like they’re hair with different hairstyles. This helps me show what mood she’s in. She can also hide behind her ears if she is uncomfortable.

 

Olivia also has long arms, legs, and fingers to help her run away quickly if she needs to. She is very strong, which helps me show that she can stand up for herself and is brave. She’s determined, loyal, imaginative, and very protective. She cares a lot. But she’s also a huge worrier, very dramatic, and can be quite bossy when she’s anxious.

 

She has lots of energy!

Olivia thinks her job is to keep me safe. The problem is, she worries about everything. She takes normal thoughts – thoughts that everyone has – and turns them into something scary. If a thought makes her nervous, she wants me to check it again… and again… and again. She believes that if I don’t keep checking, something terrible might happen.

 

The more I try to argue with Olivia or push her away, the louder she gets. She pops up a lot, it can be during the day, at bedtime, and when we’re trying to leave the house. She hates uncertainty and wants everything to feel “just right” before we move on.

 

Sometimes Olivia changes. Instead of worrying about unlocked doors or switches left on, she starts worrying about me. She questions my thoughts and tries to convince me they mean something bad about who I am. When this happens, she can be really frightening – but she’s still doing it because she thinks she’s protecting me.

 

I’m learning a new way to live with Olivia. Instead of fighting her or running away, I’m practising noticing her without doing everything she wants me to do. Like checking all the time. I’m learning that thoughts are just thoughts, not actions or truths. Visualising my OCD as Olivia helps me understand it, manage it, and show myself compassion – all without letting Olivia run the show.

 

There are lots of Olivias out there, attached to kind, sensitive people. Our job isn’t to get rid of them, but to recognise them – and not let them boss us around!