How to Live Life According to Your Values

We’ve all been there, right? We see post after post on social media telling us to live life according to our values – that our lives will be richer when we learn how to do it. I’ve seen hundreds in my time as an advocate. There is one thing that’s normally missing, though, and that’s the information that tells you what living life according to our values actually means and how to practice it.

The vast majority of people aren’t sure how to live life according to their values so how are we, a group of people who’ve spent so much of our lives in our head, even supposed to start!?

If this is you, don't fear! That’s exactly what this blog is about. We’ll talk about values-based living, how to find our values, how to find time to do activities that meet them, and if it still proves tough, I’ve provided some opportunities to practice to help you work all of this out in small, manageable steps.

So first up. What is values-based living?

Every single one of us has a set of values, these are behaviours, beliefs, and attitudes that we hold above all others. We use them to inform our decision-making, and when we achieve something in line with our values, we often feel a great sense of accomplishment. Some values stay the same throughout our lifetimes, others change as we enter different life stages or according to life experience. And this is completely normal.

Here's a list of some pretty typical values:

Loyalty, Compassion, Honesty, Kindness, Integrity, Determination, Courage, Trustworthiness, Empathy.

Many of us share a core group of values, and outside of that, there's a wider range of values that may be more specific to the individual.

Why does having an idea of our values help support our mental health?

Living life according to our values brings joy, and it gives a sense of purpose and fulfilment. All of these things are a wonderful antidote to dealing with mental health challenges.

Because those of us living with a mental health condition often spend a lot of time dealing with symptoms and ruminating (I’m looking at you, especially here, OCD, although many other mental health conditions would fit here too!), it can be difficult to work out how to design a life so it fits our values.

For some of us, especially those who have been dealing with a condition since childhood, we may not have a clue about the values we hold. (There’s nothing wrong with this, by the way - the first time I examined my boundaries, I was thirty-four!)

All this means is that we may need to pay a little extra attention and actually do the work of finding out our values while committing to putting small activities into our lives that allow us to meet them.

What sorts of activities or choices meet different values?

It’s all very well saying I value compassion. But how do we meet that value in our life? If compassion is important to us, how do we live according to that? It won’t be the same for all of us; that’s why it’s so important to think about this for you and you only. Some of us have more free time or fewer responsibilities and can dedicate more time to it. Whatever suits you is 100% right!

Let’s start by looking at an example...

Let’s stick with the value of compassion. Here are just some of the ways we can meet that value:

• Volunteer your time

• Do a fundraiser.

• Create a birdfeeder.

• Join an organised litter pick.

• Write a note to someone telling them how much you value them.

• Learn the skills of self-compassion.

• Help at a food bank.

• Write a supportive message on someone’s post if you see they are struggling.

Remember, there are only so many hours in the day, so pick sparingly. Maybe a certain activity will tick more than one value. For example, volunteering for netball training combines values such as compassion, fitness, community, etc.

Why are boundaries important here?

When making choices about value-based activities, be very wary of your boundaries. Undertaking too many compassionate activities may leave you feeling drained. Think carefully about what it is you’re doing, and how much time, money, energy etc you are giving it.

How to make space for values-based activities?

Most of us are busy, sooooo busy. How on earth are we supposed to fit anything else into our lives? In reality, we won’t be able to, unless something gives.

Here are some questions to ask yourselves when trying to create time.

• Can I combine some responsibilities?

• Can I drop some responsibilities altogether?

• Can I change some of my priorities? E.g. does that HAVE to be done? Can it be done in a quicker way?

• Does everything need to be done with the same level of success? For example, does my house have to be spotless, or is it passable?

• Can I ask someone to babysit for me?

• Can I learn how to say an assertive but respectful no to my boss when they ask me to do things in my non-work time?

• Am I being totally honest with myself about how much time I’m spending on social media? Could some of that time be used on values-based activities?

Your attention and energy are currencies. You only have so much each day. Choosing where it serves you alongside every day life is an important skill 😊.

To end on….

So, there we have it! Hopefully, you now know what values are, how they relate to you and your recovery, how to choose values and how to make time for values-based living! Remember you're in the very early stages of learning a new skill. It will take time to get the hang of it, and that’s completely natural. As long as we make small decisions, little baby steps in the right direction, we are going the way we want to go. And that is incredible progress!

As I mentioned a little earlier in the post, if you would like a little extra guidance on how to complete any of the steps discussed above, please check out our bright and compassionate values pack. It's been carefully designed to help you:

• Explore your own values.

• Plan to meet your values in everyday life.

• Make space in your life for values-based activities.

It's jam-packed full of activities that you can fill in, pin them to your wall as reminders and come back to them time and time again to remind yourself that you are on the right track! To thank you for supporting our work, you can get 20% off the values pack by using the code VALUES20. The discount is calculated at the checkout.

I really hope it helps!

Sending loads of love as always,

Catherine x x

Taming Olivia Store

If you would like to learn more about how to develop well-being skills, please check out our bright and compassionate resources. As well as the values pack mentioned above, you can learn how to develop self-compassion in our Self-Compassion Pack and how to develop resilience and persistence in our Growth Mindset Pack. We have a children's and young people's section coming very soon, so please keep an eye out for that!

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