OCD can be confusing. There are so many ins and outs and exceptions to the rules, and so many people talking about it and making alternative suggestions for recovery. It's easy to end up baffled! Today, I'd like to chat about the idea of avoidance in OCD and whether it's always a bad thing. I used to get so confused about this topic, and so I thought maybe other people new to OCD might be, too. I hope this helps to clear it up!
Over the years, I've seen loads of social media posts saying that if you avoid coffee, candy, alcohol, or even having a second child, then you are giving in to OCD. But are you? Or are you making a clear-cut, wise, self-care move for yourself? Let's chat about this and see how we can work it out.
What are Compulsions?
I've written about compulsions in loads of detail throughout different blogs, and having a deep understanding of how they work is really helpful for recovery. So if you're not sure how compulsions work and how they fit into the OCD cycle and avoidance, please read this post first.
Just as a little recap, compulsions are part of the OCD cycle. They are the behaviours - both internal and external - that we use to lessen the anxiety felt by the obsessions we are experiencing. Compulsive behaviours can be wide-ranging, and some can be tricky to spot.
The Things I Avoid
Over the years, I've learned a lot about how OCD works for me. I've worked out what helps me - even if I don't always do it. And I've learned what doesn't work for me - even though I do still do those things sometimes. Hey, I'm only human! :)
Here are a few of the 'smaller' decisions I've made for myself:
Coffee: No more than two a day.
Alcohol: Very rarely.
Resting/naps: I have regular naps and am careful not to overfill my diary.
And one of the BIG decisions I made for myself:
Not having a second child: I will write a whole post on this one day, and I know it might seem a bit strange popping such a big life choice into a section with alcohol, coffee and napping, but I want to highlight that compulsion confusion can exist for big decisions, too. Plus, it's a really important topic, and I wanted to shed some light on it.
Now, are these decisions of mine to avoid alcohol, limit coffee, rest a lot, stop at one child compulsions? According to many of the posts I've seen on social media, yes, they are, and I think this really highlights the real danger of how easy it is to over-simplify big topics when limited to a social media post. I've seen multiple posts claiming that avoiding coffee, alcohol, junk food, and having a second child is a compulsion designed to lessen anxiety. And the thing is, those things could ALL be compulsions. Let's see how.
Avoidance as a Compulsion
The following reasons for avoidance COULD be compulsions.
Avoiding coffee:
For fear of heart palpitations due to caffeine and believing you are having a heart attack.
Trying to avoid feeling like you're having a panic attack.
Believing you will behave irrationally after more than two coffees.
Avoiding alcohol:
Because you are worried it'll make you act on your obsession and intrusive thoughts.
For fear of losing control and doing something dangerous or out of character.
Trying to avoid any feelings of social anxiety afterwards.
Resting/naps:
Wanting to avoid elements of daily life that cause fear or worry.
Trying to hide from responsibilities.
Not having a second child:
From a personal point of view, having experienced terrible perinatal OCD the first time around, choosing not to have a second baby could very well be avoidance. It could be my way of avoiding a possible repeat of those incredibly distressing symptoms. If my Perinatal OCD was still bad, not having a second baby might be a way of avoiding the chance that my obsessions or intrusive thoughts might come true.
However, and this is a huuuuuuuuuuuuge 'HOWEVER'... In my case, none of the choices above are compulsions.. I know that because of WHY I made those choices, and here lies a massive lesson for learning how OCD and compulsions work:
It's not WHAT you do it, it's WHY you do it!
Compulsion, Self-care, Self-soothing or even Healthy Habit?
For me, limiting my alcohol and caffeine intake is an excellent self-care choice. Both make me feel jittery and anxious and alcohol, in particular, has a real negative impact on my mental health. By refraining from alcohol, I am not avoiding things; I am choosing a healthier path for myself. One that doesn't need a few days to recover from.
I ensure I have lots of downtime and naps if needed because both have a sizable positive impact on me. I am more productive, my mental health is more robust, and my relationships are way better because of it. OCD is pretty tiring, and resting and napping allow me to recharge.
I didn't have a second child because I knew that looking after my mental health took a lot of time and energy, and I wanted to prioritise being there 100% for my one gorgeous boy rather than trying to spread myself too thin, and it worked. Of course, this is my decision based on my life circumstances - I know many parents who went on to have additional children and love every second of it!
All of the above are very personal decisions based on you, the individual.
So, to end, is all avoidance in OCD a compulsion?
No it's not! Sometimes avoidance can be an excellent self-care choice, so the next time you wonder whether something is a compulsion for you, ask yourself WHY you are doing it and that'll help you work it out.
Okay, that's it for now! I hope this blog will help you determine when specific avoidance choices are helpful or not and when they are part of OCD, or not. Just remember it's not what you do; it's why you're doing it.
Sending you all loads of love,
Catherine xx
Further Reading:
What to know what intrusive thoughts are? Check out this post.
Want to get help for OCD? Look no further than this.
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